Post A Joke

[Mikhail_16]

Comedy gold, right here.

[Anomonous Guy]

Here's one from Emma:

What do you call a man with a network on his head?


























ALAN!!! HAHAHA GET IT?!! A-LAN??!?!

LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


*sigh*

[wombieV2]

Your Mother.

[Trouble]

Lol?

[ViperE]

lol

[Mikhail_16]

Lol?

ROFL!

Kinda late for talk like a pirate day, yet here are some piratey jokes:

They say, "Once a pirate, always a pirate!" So why is it that these scurvy  dogs never return to the straight and narrow?
Once you lose your first hand, yer HOOKED!

Why did the pirate wear a paper towel for a bandanna?
He heard that all  good pirates have a bounty on their head!

Where would they send a Pirate Ship with a broken rib?
To the dock, in the  sick bay.

Why couldn't the pirates play cards?
The captain was standing on the  deck!

How do pirates know that they are pirates?
They know, because they  ARRRR!!!!!

What does a bleached blonde and a pirate have in common?
A little black  patch.

Did you hear about the pirate who took up boxing?
He had a killer left  hook!

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck!

What's really a pirate's favorite letter?
P! Because it's an R, but it's  missing a leg!

What's a horny pirate's worst nightmare?
A sunken chest with no booty!

What be a pirate's favorite vegetable?
ARRRRtichokes!

Have you heard about the new pirate movie?
It's rated AARRRRGGH! And you  know why? Because of all the booty!

what do you call a pirate that skips class? captain hooky!

What has 12 hands, 12 feet and 12 eyes? A dozen Pirates!

What was Bluebeard's wife's name? Peg.

How does a pirate greet a prostitute? Yo Ho

What's a pirate's least favorite animal? Beaver.

Question: What did Captain Hook die from?
Answer: Jock Itch.

How did the pirate stop smoking?
He used the patch!

[Anomonous Guy]

This chain e-mail I received is actually pretty funny


I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year.   I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.
                                                                         

I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.
                         
I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot).
           
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.
                               

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
                                                                   

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
                                                                           

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.
                                                           

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
                                               
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
                                       

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
                           

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.
                 

I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.     
                                                         
AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face... disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a  number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan .
                                     

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU  I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
                                         

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE  I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!
                               
I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off.
                                                                       

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.  I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician . . .

                                                             

Oh, by the way.....   
A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

           Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

[JoKeR]

I post a JokeR and feel proud over myself.

[Atebash]

Guy: Hi ...
Stranger: Hi...
Guy: name?
Stranger: chun wu at your service
Guy: alexander godlberg...
Stranger: sup
Guy: u know i never forgave u koreans for attacking pearl harbor
Stranger: uhh.. i'am chinese .. and that was the japanese who attacked it
Guy: chinese, japanese, korean .. what's the diffrence?
Stranger: .......
Stranger: u serious?
Guy: yeah!
Stranger:....
Stranger: u know i never forget u jews for sinking the titanic.
Guy: that was iceberg
Stranger: goldberg, greenberg, iceberg.. whats the diffrence?

[Red Lightning]

Went into my local EB the other day, and asked the girl behind the counter for a copy of Saints Row for Xbox 360. She said she'd never heard of it, but if I describe it she might remember. So I said its about an African-American going around with an iron bar, smashing cars, screwing lots of women, earning lots of money. She handed me a copy of Tiger Woods 2010.

*****

I ordered a dvd online the other day, worst waste of $20 ever! I bought Tiger Woods: my favorite 18 holes - turns out it was about golf! >.<


Okay, thats enough about Tiger Woods out of you lot. You should be ashamed.

[Atebash]

I've stolen one of the TW jokes to be my Facebook status

[DeadMeat]

Oh so this is where you got it from ..!

[Zel Uneec]

I don't know if pic jokes are allowed here (hahaha - no, this is not joke jet ), but here's one, rather old now:

Why Microsoft bought Skype?

[Atebash]

THE END IS NEAR!

[DeadMeat]

lol