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Anomonous Guy
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« on: January 31, 2007, 11:02:35 AM » |
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I'm not too sure what happened to the original jokes thread, but here I go to start a new one
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Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, are reunited at a
party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.
Those who remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a
successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and
Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and
now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his
best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."
The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and
joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to
become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he
owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend
a brand new jet for his birthday."
The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best
universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction
company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very
nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square
foot mansion."
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from
the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"
One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the
successes of our sons. What about your son?"
The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a
stripper at a nightclub."
The three friends said: "What a shame...what a disappointment."
The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. Why should I be, He's my son
and I love him very much. Besides he hasn't done too bad either.
His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square
foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three
boyfriends.
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« Last Edit: August 26, 2009, 06:57:59 AM by Atebash »
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PhakeDC
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« Reply #1 on: January 31, 2007, 11:14:07 AM » |
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A western reporter goes to Armenia to write articles about that
land. He meets an old man in a village and asks him about any
memorable events in his life.
The old man says "well one time my donkey got lost, so me
and my neighbors got some vodka and went looking for it. We
looked and looked and finally found the donkey. Then we drank
the vodka and one by one started screwing the donkey, it was
a lot of fun."
The reporter figured he can't write an article about that, so he
asked the old man to tell him another story.
The old man said: "well, one time my neighbor's wife got lost,
so me and all the village men got some vodka and went out
looking for her. We looked and looked and finally we found her.
Then we drank the vodka and one by one screwed the
neighbor's wife. It was a lot of fun."
The reporter, feeling frustrated, told the old man that he couldn't
write articles about those stories and asked him if he had any
dramatic or sad memories that he could talk about.
The old man paused a little and with a sad expression on his
face said: "Well, one time I was lost........"
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Trouble
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« Reply #2 on: January 31, 2007, 11:29:21 AM » |
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A woman has just had her baby, and the doctor takes it into the other room to clean it up. When he comes back in the lady jumps up and runs over to grab the child and the doctor drops it, she screams "Oh what have you done!!" and he says "its ok I've got this" and picks it up and kicks it across the room. by now the lady is running around hysterically screaming that he's hurt her baby. he tells her to calm done he'll fix it and walks over picks up the baby and hits it against the wall a couple of times and throws it out the window. She screams "YOU'VE KILLED MY BABY!!! MURDERER!!" And he laughs and says "April fools! It was already dead"
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Anomonous Guy
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« Reply #3 on: January 31, 2007, 11:33:50 AM » |
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haha, quality  |
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Access
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« Reply #4 on: February 01, 2007, 08:55:09 AM » |
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I waited several hours in line on the night before release to be one of the first to use Windows Vista. I must say that Vista is an amazing operating system. It is hands-down the best product that Microsoft has ever put out, and probably the best operating system that the world has ever seen.
Why upgrade from XP? There's so much new in Vista that your head will just boggle. From new Internet Explorer 7 to desktop search features to a virus / spyware scan utility that eliminates the need for Norton, Vista is on the cutting edge of technology. Another thing that impressed me is the improvements Microsoft made to the little games that come with the OS. Solitaire, Minesweeper, and all your favorites are back with improved graphics and game play along with newcomers like Chess and Hold'Em. Did I mention the the Aero desktop environment is the worlds first 3D desktop?
Windows Vista is more than just an incremental upgrade, it's on a whole new level compared to XP. Congratulations to Microsoft for releasing an amazing product. They spent $6 billion and five years on this operating system and it really shows.
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Halibut
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« Reply #5 on: February 01, 2007, 04:11:37 PM » |
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Haha, n00b.
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Anomonous Guy
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« Reply #6 on: February 01, 2007, 08:45:11 PM » |
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u shud work for the MS sales team |
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PhakeDC
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« Reply #7 on: February 01, 2007, 09:21:52 PM » |
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He copied that from somewhere. Access cite your references!  |
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Access
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« Reply #8 on: February 01, 2007, 10:40:37 PM » |
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He copied that from somewhere. Access cite your references! I was waiting for that. Im gonna cite you! Since you gave me the link. |
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Anomonous Guy
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« Reply #9 on: January 17, 2008, 05:23:44 PM » |
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This one is funny Old HaroldOld Harold is 92 and lives in a senior citizens home. Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the center To sit, smoke a cigar, listen to music, ponder his accomplishments and Generally reflect on his long life. One evening, Mildred, age 86, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat, And before they know it, several hours have passed. During a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred asks, 'Do you know what I miss most of all?' 'What?' she asks. 'SEX!' he replies. Mildred exclaims, 'Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I held a gun To your head!' 'I know,' Harold says, 'but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it For a while.' 'Well, I can oblige,' says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his Manhood and proceeds to hold it. The conversation is good, and they agree To meet secretly each night in the garden where they will sit, talk, and Mildred will hold Harold's manhood. One night, Harold doesn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decides to find Harold and make sure he's OK. She walks around the Senior citizen home where she finds him sitting by the pool with another Female resident, Ethel, who is discreetly holding Harold's manhood. Furious, Mildred yells, 'You two-timing Bastard! -- --- Just what does Ethel Have that I don't have?' Old Harold smiles happily and replies, 'Parkinson's!' |
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187cyco
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« Reply #10 on: January 17, 2008, 08:00:01 PM » |
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Oh my God... so wrong and so funny.
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Halibut
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« Reply #11 on: January 17, 2008, 08:08:03 PM » |
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So so wrong...  |
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Anomonous Guy
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« Reply #12 on: January 17, 2008, 08:49:39 PM » |
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hehe, my grandma sent me that one |
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Mikhail_16
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« Reply #13 on: January 17, 2008, 09:15:06 PM » |
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hehe, my grandma sent me that one So VERY VERY wrong. |
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DeadMeat
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« Reply #14 on: January 22, 2008, 03:49:59 AM » |
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lols perverted jokes + seniors = uwe boll |
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